"I Been Workin' Out"

Hadley is always saying things that crack us up.  Yesterday, my mother-in-law was nice enough to pick her up from school for me since Connor has been sick.  Alex, my cousin, was with her so she brought Hadley to the house.  After Hadley showed her everything in our house, it was time for her to leave.  Hadley is now at a stage where she loves to walk you to your car so of course, she walked Alex out.  I see her running as fast as she can back up the sidewalk so I say, "Girl, you run fast!"  To which she replies. "Yeah, I been workin' out!"  I thought I may die from laughter.  

The Italian Christmas Donkey

13 Months

What are you up to this month?

You are pulling up to stand and it makes you so proud.  We laugh and clap for you each time. The way you wave bye bye is precious.  It's the exact same way Hadley did it as a baby.  It looks like you're waving to yourself, which makes sense because that's what it looks like to you when we wave.

You love to chew on wipes, which I don't understand because you don't appear to be teething.  

At your 1 year visit, which occurred at 13months 8 days due to vacation and rescheduled appointments, you weighed 19.0 lbs and you're 28.5 inches tall.  You got 4 shots and had to have your blood drawn for a routine lead/hemoglobin test.  Hadley was so upset after your shots that she cried and when we went for the test she couldn't even watch them do it.  You were such a trooper though and you bounced right back after a very fussy night.  

We love you so much sweet boy.  

 

I'm ONE

I am extremely late for this post.  November was a month jam packed with travel.  I can't wait to sit and blog about all of the fabulous sites we saw. 

My big ONE YEAR OLD! 

What are you up to this month?  

wearing size 12 months shirts

6-12 months pants

size 2 shoe

size 3 diaper

weigh about 18 lbs

speed crawling like crazy

waving bye bye

growling at everything and everyone (hilarious)

You are still the sweetest thing EVER!  We love you more and more every day and can't wait to see your adorable personality develop even more.

Happy 1st Birthday Big Boy!

Birthday post to follow...soon...I promise!

Innocence Lost

In honor of October 15, Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

(I know I'm late.  What else is new?)

I once heard someone say that after a miscarriage, you lose all innocence toward pregnancy.  Six years ago on July 9 my innocence with pregnancy was lost forever. I woke up to go to a class with my friend, Kelli. I noticed I was spotting a bit, but it wasn't anything too alarming. I knew this could happen and things still be just fine. The class was canceled due to Hurricane Dennis so I went home and prepared to stay in all weekend. I called my doctor and she assured me everything was probably fine, but if it got worse over the weekend to call the hospital. By Monday, it hadn't gotten any worse, but it hadn't stopped either so I called and they told me to come right in. I headed to the hospital to have my worst fears confirmed. I had miscarried my baby. I remember watching as the tech searched and finally called for Dr. V. to take a look. I remember seeing the sack had a tiny tear and then nothing inside. My baby was gone. I was heartbroken. I am thankful, that I had some warning that something was wrong.  My first ultrasound was scheduled for the end of the week.  If I had gone in expecting to hear a heartbeat and see my baby and then gotten this news I don't know what I would have done. As devastating as this news was, I am so thankful God spared me from the horrible surprise of finding out my baby was gone.

 Tuesday, July 12, 2005, I had the worst procedure I could ever imagine. I don't recall what time I got to the surgery center. I was completely drained. I just kept thinking that everyone in the hospital knew why I was there. I wanted to tell them I was not choosing to get a D&C. I wanted to tell them that I WANTED the baby, that just 72 hours ago was, to my knowledge, perfectly healthy.  The actual D&C wasn't that bad.  I cramped for a few days and then it was over, the physical part anyway.  I had never felt such pain and haven't since.  To this day, I remember walking in to my house after the procedure and seeing "Breaking News:  Man uses baby as human shield in shooting." I kept thinking how unfair it was that I couldn't have my baby and this lunatic used his to protect himself.  It should've been the other way around.  He should have done everything possible to protect his child.  I would have, so why was my baby taken away?  I still don't understand why.  I can, however, see God's hand in my story.

I found out I was pregnant for the second time on June 6, 2007.  I was elated and terrified.  What if something happened to this baby too? I mean, I was divorced.  (Strike One.)  Now, I was pregnant and not even married.(Strike Two)  If I didn't deserve a baby then, how could I deserve this one?  I was so obviously doing the wrong things.  Did I deserve to be happy if I wasn't married?  Shouldn't I be ashamed, embarrassed?  Believe me, I was, but I was also terribly happy.    I was still terrified something would happen until July 24, 2007.  That's the day I went to the doctor and heard Hadley's heart beat for the first time.  I cried and then, I laughed at myself for crying.  Darrell and I were so happy!  I was finally getting exactly what I wanted.  I couldn't believe it.  I had a man that loved me and I was having the baby I had craved for as long as I could remember.  My fear was not completely gone though.  Satan has a way of sneaking in and whispering hateful lies just to steal your joy. One of the happiest days of my life was Thursday, January 31, 2008.  At 11:29pm, we welcomed our precious 8 pound 8 ounce Hadley Amalia.

Six years later, I am blessed to have been given a wonderful husband and two precious children that I adore.  Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for these gifts.  Are there some days that I am annoyed that I can't run to the store without it being a huge ordeal? Yes. Are there days I don't want to talk to my husband because he has or has not said or done something that has hurt my feelings?  Of course! I am not perfect.  I am a sinner just like everyone else.  I FALL SHORT.  I MAKE MISTAKES. I MESS UP BIG TIME.  I am so thankful to believe in a God that is big enough to bring me past those failures. 

If you know of someone who has lost a child please refrain from the following phrases.  Although, meant to be comforting and helpful, they are NOT.

1.  At least you know you can get pregnant.  

(Yes, I know this, and if that were my goal I would be ecstatic.)

2.  God needed another angel.  

(No, he didn't.  God doesn't NEED anything.  He is EVERYTHING.)

3.  There must have been something wrong with the baby.

(I DON'T CARE!  I would've taken care of my baby NO MATTER what was wrong with him/her.)

4.  At least you didn't have to go the full 9 months. 

(You are right! I only know what it feels like to be pregnant for 10 weeks.  I didn't get to feel my baby kick.  I didn't get to see him/her on an ultrasound screen. I won't be able to see him/her until we are reunited in heaven.)

And, please, don't be afraid of making them(us) cry by talking about our baby(ies).  We're crying anyway & it IS somewhat comforting to know we aren't the only one that remembers. 

11 months

Eleven Months...It's hardly believable that you have been with us this long and just as hard to remember what life was like before you came into our lives. You are so loved!

You are still in a size 3 diaper and wear 6-12 months clothing, although the pants are still a little bit too big. 

You are trying so hard to crawl.  It's the cutest thing ever.   Baby food is no longer interesting to you. You have discovered what is on our plates tastes much better.  I can still get you to take about 24 ounces of formula from your cup and you eat cereal twice a day.

You are such a cutie!  You sleep from about 7:30 or 8pm-7am and this amazes me because your big sister STILL doesn't sleep as well as you.
 

You stayed the weekend for the first time with Aunt Kiki and Ben.  She was so worried about keeping you, but soon realized YOU are the easy one.  You did keep them on their toes with several blowouts though.  I think your clothes were changes at least 4 times on Sunday.

You are amazed by your sister and the feeling is mutual.  I know I've said it before, but she just adores you.  She is very protective of her little brother.  I'm afraid your future girlfriends are going to have some high standards to meet to get Miss Hadley's approval.  ;-)

Happy 11 months sweet boy! 

Ten Months

I thought it would be fun to look back thought the months since C-man has been with us. You may have to click on the picture to enlarge it. The last two are his ten month pictures.

Luckily, we haven't had any scary traumatic events  excitement this month.  

You are wearing a size 3 diaper, 6-9 months clothing, and some 12 months shirts.  They are still a little big, but they'll work.  You love french fries, potatoes, baked ziti, and edamame.  You tried cake for the first time at Uncle Darren's birthday party and a cupcake not too long after that.  It was not a surprise that you loved them both!  There isn't much you won't eat.  You still don't have any teeth, which seems so weird to me, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE those toothless smiles!  You're a wonderful sleeper & that makes mommy VERY happy.  

I can't believe it's been almost a year since you made your arrival and we are already planning your 1st birthday party. I wish I could make time stand still.  I love you so much little man!